You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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