The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
