these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
