She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just want nice things and good sex
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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