how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
