therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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