i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I AM VODKA MAN
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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