So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
