I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
