There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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