i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
