whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
