You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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