They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
