This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse