My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
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LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
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We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night