My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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