I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.