Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
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I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
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exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange