Can i not drive my cunt home
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.