My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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