You work out of a Hotel?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.