he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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