Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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