we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
