did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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