and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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