felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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