I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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