he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
