So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
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If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
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Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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