Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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