Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
