and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
