Porn is love you can see.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
