She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
They are going to name an STD after you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
