If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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