I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
