She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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