he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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