i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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