I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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