if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
