butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
