So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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