why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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