totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
