I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
