I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Alive.
So much puke
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
