hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
