I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
