Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
