come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
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You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Floor bacon is actually really good
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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