I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
