i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
