i permit you to call me
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
