Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
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