My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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