Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Shame - the story of my life.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
