As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize