best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
