My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
