I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
