cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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