Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
