i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
