i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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