Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
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that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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